Canticles of the Prophet Zachariah:

Join you by your Fire?

Notes by Anthony

“Asa still looked angry when he reentered the cave, but his voice was soft when he spoke to Nana Kahenta. He apologized for our actions and asked if we still might find shelter here. She said we were welcome, and she would stand guard while the sun was out. I didn’t know what that meant and I didn’t care. Ben was so heavy in my arms. He coughed wetly, and I used my sleeve to wipe the blood and shredded organs from his mouth.

“Asa slipped his arms beneath Ben’s shoulders, easily lifting him. Ben’s eyes rolled back and forth but remained unfocused. I stared dumbly until Asa told me to lift his legs so we could move further into the cave. I obeyed. It was nice to not have to make decisions. We laid Ben down in a small alcove, and Asa stood as if to go. I panicked, saying something like:

“Can we sleep with you tonight? When I dream, I can’t always tell when I’ve woken up. Usually, Ben is there to tell me when it’s over and I’m okay, but I don’t know when he’ll wake up –

“Asa cut me off. He would stay. If Ben hadn’t woken up yet, Asa would chronicle my visions and tell me when I was awake. He sat next to me against the wall of the cave while I cradled Ben’s twitching body in my lap. With my last few moments of consciousness, I leaned my head on Asa’s shoulder. I was afraid he would push me off, disgusted with me. I was still covered in Ben’s viscera. Instead, Asa shifted to let me rest my head on his collar bone. It was nice, listeners. I felt safe. Asa would protect us.

“I floated in a dark, alien void. It felt like outer space, though I could breathe and wasn’t freezing. Colorful planets floated in the distance. Alien creatures swam around and between them, nearly the size of the planets themselves. Something glittered far beneath me. I focused on it and flew closer. A huge, golden mechanism whirled below me, maybe the size of an office building. It was made of nested circles or bands with intricate carvings and inlaid gems. Like the rings around Saturn, but rather than staying in place they spun and rotated around each other. 

“I floated closer. Humming echoed from a diamond-shaped, translucent chamber at the center. I know that song, laughed the Voice in my head. As I approached one of the whirling rings a carving on it glowed red. A familiar heat built in the back of my neck. The same as from those wards in Vienna. I knew I had to move quickly and plunged into the diamond building. 

“Inside, half a dozen guards dressed in purple scurried around a room. The white man from Vienna lay on a coffin-like table. A carving leapt from one of the rings and chased me. I narrowly avoided its touch as it sped out into space. The guards left, and I was alone as the face shifted from the cruel-looking white man to the dark-skinned one. All three eyes opened as I approached. 

“I introduced myself as Zachary, and I asked who he was and if I could help. Silly, I know. This entity likely knew more about me that I did. Still, it seemed polite. The three-eyed man smiled and spoke aloud to the Voice in my head. Here is the conversation as best as I remember, listeners. 

“Brother, is that you? Why have you come to me in my dreams again, as though we were young?” The three-eyed man sounded fond as he spoke.

“I have come to warn you, though you appear to have hidden yourself well.” I could taste pride and condescension on my tongue as the Voice replied with my own mouth, though I did not realize the Voice was using it at the time.

“I know that the star Wormwood approaches. We set it in motion ourselves, Brother. Nothing can stop it now.” The three-eyed man sounded resigned. 

“We’ll see. I have our Sister’s missing Temple.” The Voice’s laughter bubbled in my throat. 

“In that vessel? A flesh puppet with you at its strings? Good luck with that, Brother.” The three-eyed man seemed to focus on me then. Did he recognize me? Was it pity in his gaze? Regret? Or maybe it was just my naïve hope that one of these gods would treat me like a human being? 

“MINE NOW” The Voice hissed. I could not tell if he was referring to the Temple, or me. 

“Oh dear.” The three-eyed man looked concerned as his features twisted. I could feel the wards burn me as the room faded and Asa’s worried face filled my vision.

“I tasted blood in my mouth and swallowed. I must have bitten my own tongue. Blood soaked my clothing and dripped onto the floor. I had forgotten to wear the muslin. Ben lay sprawled in the center of the room. He had thrown up more organs in the night. I could smell his fresh blood. The Beast inside me roiled with hunger. I covered my mouth and nose and ran outside. I breathed the cool air, trying to banish my traitorous desires. Gwen followed at a more sedate pace.

“Why did you not eat the organs?” Gwen asked. She must have seen my reaction. I wanted to lie, say the awful thought had never crossed my mind. But I was so tired, listeners. 

“Asa would hate me,” I confessed. “I would hate me.”

“Gwen told me I should not waste energy hating myself. I was greater than Zachary had ever been as a human and could ever have been. I needed to cut off what used to define me. To separate myself from the limited human I had been and sever those old and stagnant connections. Gwen looked at me then, and her voice softened as she processed whatever emotions had passed over my face. I was too tired to hide them.

“Gwen told me it was not necessary to be callous. Destruction without cause was meaningless. Forging connections to the world and others gives us meaning and purpose. Gwen herself cherishes her journal and scholarly tomes and grimoires. But these new connections require that my old, human ones be severed. And if any of my connections tied me down and hindered my actions, I had to be willing to burn them. To sacrifice what was necessary. To experience loss and pain and survive it. To love and to annihilate what I loved and move on. And I had to do it over and over. Repeating the cycle of forging and loving and destroying and grieving. Embracing the grief and despair of its loss as much as I had the joy of its presence. 

“My head spun. I was trying to process what she was saying and why it helped me feel less guilty about Ben. Or, perhaps, I was only convincing myself that a human should feel guilty, and she was stripping away my lies. My Beast was hungry, but something else within me felt sated. I had Ben. He was here and he was mine and he would never have to leave me now. The worst had already happened, and Ben was still in my arms. And I could believe it was his choice.

“She asked me what I was truly afraid of, and I responded without thinking. I was afraid of losing my connection to humanity. My purpose is to save the world. What if becoming like Gwen or other vampires stops me from being that person?

“She smiled. I could not tell if it was out of kindness or triumph at winning. Maybe both.

“You can either be the good guy, or you can win.”

* * *

“Sorry, listeners. Needed a moment. Asa and Rose carried Ben to cave entrance. Ben could stand on his own but was unresponsive. Rose looked shocked and told us she smelled two Garou in the valley below. Nana Kahenta transformed into a large cougar and raced off down the mountain. Rose zipped off into the cave and returned in a few seconds with Vousette. The two of them transformed and followed Nana Kahenta. Asa suggested that we try to go the long way around the valley and get to the car. I countered that it would be incredibly easy to get lost. Gwen ignored us both, speaking quietly to one of her ghosts. 

“We had just started down the mountain when a naked Rose, Nana, and Vousette returned with two equally naked strangers. A broad, burly woman and a wiry, muscled man. Werewolves, apparently. Both seemed like they could tear me in two as easy as breathing. The man introduced himself as Jeremy. They stared intently at Rose, Gwen and Asa as they spoke with Nana, asking to form an alliance. Their Cairn had been attacked by the Black Spiral, which had infected many of them. Gwen shifted, and the werewolves stared at her backpack. Something awful bubbled and twisted on their necks. Then, they said they expected us to feed her, and the battle was on.

“The Sisters and werewolves spent the first few moments shifting into more animalistic, battle-ready forms. The small signs of infection on the werewolves’ necks blossomed and spread as bubbling pustules. Asa moved to defend Gwen, while I stood in front of Ben. Like he was fighting against something inside of him, Ben yelled “TWO” just as Rose and Vousette struck at the female werewolf with her claws. Gwen called out to the ghosts, stating that if they wished to be heard, then they should aid her. If they did, she would be their voice. Jeremy rushed forward and pulled Gwen’s backpack open. I activated Auspex and saw a glowing orb within. As his infected claws touched the orb, it started to bubble and blacken. 

“I stepped forward. I was chest to chest with the hulking Jeremy. I was terrified. I only had one shot at this. I stared deeply into his eyes. “Don’t you recognize me? I am the one you protect. I am the one you care about,” I reached inside Jeremy’s mind with the Inner Image that Cedric had taught me. I saw her then, the woman Jeremy cared for. A priestess. A mother figure. She wore colorful, loose garments. The image of myself in his mind was replaced with hers as if she had always been there. My own body still felt bulky and male, but I cocked my hip to mimic her stance and pitched my voice up to imitate her feminine one. I pointed at the female werewolf, and imaginary bracelets jangled on my wrists.

“Protect me from her. She has abandoned our ways.”

“Jeremy leapt at the other werewolf and tore her head from her body. Blood and pus sprayed across the wall of the cave. Rose took advantage and tore him apart in seconds. The illusion of the priestess that had replaced my body faded from everyone’s minds with his life.

“Gwen frantically pulled off her backpack and stared at the orb. Rose, Asa, and I moved to help but Gwen held up a hand. Carefully, she manipulated the corruption away from the orb and into a small vial she pulled from her backpack. 

“Now that the danger was gone, we took stock. None were injured more than superficially, and the infection hadn’t spread to Rose or Vousette when they attacked the werewolves. Nana, Vousette, and Rose shrugged on extra dresses. Nana said she would follow Rose wherever she led. The Sisterhood were on our side.”